The Loneliness Epidemic
As a therapist, one of the most frequent questions I’m asked is: “What trends do you see in people seeking therapy?” My answer, more often than not, is disconnection and loneliness. Many people come to therapy feeling disconnected—from their loved ones, their communities, and even themselves. This profound loneliness can feel overwhelming and deeply isolating.
In 2018, a report by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation revealed that 22% of adults in the U.S. often or always feel lonely or socially isolated. That’s over 55 million people. And the consequences are severe—studies show that people with strong social relationships are 50% less likely to die prematurely than those with weaker social ties.
After COVID-19, it’s reasonable to assume that these numbers have only grown. The pandemic amplified feelings of disconnection as we all experienced separation from loved ones, friends, and broader communities. For many, it was a two-year stretch of relative isolation that reshaped the way we engage with one another forever. Post COVID, many of us still work from home and engage with community online versus in person.
For decades, social networks in the U.S. have eroded. Religious participation, community membership, and the frequency of social interactions have all declined dramatically. While most people today say they value family and friendships above all else, the structures of modern capitalism often prioritize work, status, and possessions over human connection. Relationships are increasingly neglected in favor of ambition and productivity.
Even modern technology, which makes it easier than ever to “stay connected,” paradoxically contributes to this disconnection. Advances in transportation allow us to visit loved ones more easily, yet they also enable us to move far away from them. Social media offers a semblance of connection, but often leaves us feeling more isolated. And technology makes it easy to meet our needs without interacting with others—we can order food, stream entertainment, and shop online without ever leaving home or engaging with another person.
The challenge of loneliness is cyclical: the more lonely we feel, the more likely we are to withdraw.
I often think of my grandmother, who immigrated from Hong Kong to Australia in the 1960s with her family. She was a young woman in her 30s, leaving everything she knew behind to start anew in a foreign country. There’s a Chinese saying: “Distant water cannot extinguish a nearby fire.” This speaks to the importance of close relationships—neighbors and local communities—over faraway connections, no matter how cherished they may be.
For migrants like my grandmother, loneliness is often compounded by a loss of familiarity, identity, and support networks. In 2014, The Forum, a London-based charity for migrants and refugees, identified loneliness and isolation as two of the greatest challenges their members faced. The list of reasons is heartbreaking, and it reminds me of the struggles my grandmother faced, which ultimately led to her tragic suicide at just 50 years old:
Loss of family and friends
Lack of social networks
Language barriers
Loss of identity and status
Discrimination and stigma
Cultural differences
Racism and isolation
These experiences aren’t limited to migrants—they mirror what many of us face in today’s fragmented, individualistic society.
The antidote to loneliness begins with recognizing its weight and normalizing the need for connection. Yet, it’s equally vital to externalize loneliness—to understand that feeling lonely does not mean there is something inherently wrong with us. Loneliness is not a personal flaw or failure; it is a reflection of a society that is increasingly structured in ways that isolate us.
In many ways, the epidemic of loneliness reveals a deeper crisis in the way our world operates. Modern life often prioritizes individualism, productivity, and convenience over the foundational human need for connection. Our cities are designed for efficiency, not intimacy. Our work schedules leave little room for meaningful relationships. The digital spaces that promise connection often replace it with shallow interaction, leaving us craving depth that algorithms cannot provide.
These systemic issues foster environments where loneliness thrives. When the nuclear family replaces extended kinship networks, when community spaces give way to for-profit developments, and when public services are underfunded or inaccessible, the result is a culture that leaves individuals to fend for themselves emotionally.
The antidote to loneliness, then, is not just in the courage to reach out—it is also in the collective courage to reimagine the way we live, work, and connect. It’s in rebuilding the foundations of a society where relationships are not an afterthought but the centerpiece of a meaningful life.As a therapist, I’ve witnessed the power of small, consistent actions to bridge the gap between isolation and connection. Whether it’s joining a group, volunteering, or simply reaching out to a friend, these efforts help remind us that we’re not alone.
Loneliness thrives in silence, but connection grows in courage—the courage to seek support, to reach out, and to let others in.