Esther Perel’s Live Show: When Therapy Takes Over a Concert Venue

A couple of weeks ago, I had the privilege of attending Esther Perel’s live show at the Masonic in San Francisco with a group of fellow therapists. As we approached the venue, I was struck by the long line of people wrapping around the block—fans of Esther, eager to see her live. The Masonic, a venue typically reserved for concerts and big-name performances, was packed to the brim. It was a reminder of just how far Esther has come in making therapy something people want to be a part of, even on a Thursday night.

The show was set to start at 8:00 PM—an unusually late start time for a therapy talk. But with a sold-out crowd filling every seat in this concert hall, the energy felt electrifying. It felt less like a traditional therapy lecture and more like we were about to witness a big performance. We didn’t actually get started until 9 PM, and I remember thinking—9 PM for a therapy show?! It felt like I was gearing up to see a headliner at a concert rather than a psychotherapist. Esther Perel had booked out a concert venue! That, in itself, was a testament to the impact she’s made in the field of psychology and relationships.

It was a surreal moment for me personally. I first encountered Esther in 2010 during my New York City days and had the privilege of seeing her speak at the Summit Series a decade ago. It’s been absolutely incredible to witness her evolution from a highly respected therapist to a celebrity figure who’s revolutionized the field of couples therapy. Conversations about relationships and sex have become less stigmatized and more normalized because of her work.

One of my friends, Jeff, had a fascinating take on Esther’s influence: “She’s what Elon Musk did to cars with Tesla, what Apple did to computers, and what SoulCycle did to cycling. She’s making couples therapy sexy!” It was a perfect analogy. Like these brands, Esther has taken something once considered functional and even mundane, and turned it into something exciting and aspirational.

From Coziness to Curiosity: Key Takeaways from Esther’s Talk

Esther’s brilliance lies in her ability to take familiar themes and add depth, playfulness, and profound insight. Here are a few gems that stayed with me:

“Move from coziness to curiosity.”

Too often, we stay in the comfort zones of our relationships. We seek security and predictability and forget to explore the unknown and the new in each other. But Esther encourages us to shift from coziness to curiosity. How can we get to know our partners anew? How can we explore uncharted territories of their thoughts, desires, and dreams?

“Play allows for freedom and permission.”

Play isn’t just for children. As adults, play creates space for creativity, permission, and freedom in our relationships. It opens up possibilities for connection and intimacy in ways that structured communication often cannot. Esther urged us to think about how we can infuse more play into our relationships—how we can allow ourselves to dance in the unknown rather than always demanding clarity and certainty.

These were just a few highlights from an evening filled with laughter, wisdom, and deep reflection. But what stood out most was how effortlessly Esther weaved between therapy and performance. It was like watching a one-woman show that invited us into the complexities of relationships while keeping us engaged and entertained.

Modern Relationships and the Rise of Communication Challenges

One of the more thought-provoking moments was when Esther talked about the modern-day landscape of relationships. In the past, certain roles, rules, and expectations were assumed in a relationship: who earned the money, who stayed home with the kids, and how many kids to have (if any). These were non-negotiables—often handed down through family and societal norms.

But today, almost nothing is assumed. Every aspect of a relationship is up for negotiation: Who earns the money? Who stays at home? How many partners do we have? Are we monogamous or polyamorous? Who does the dishes? Do we spend the holidays at your parents' house or mine?

This shift has made communication skills more essential than ever. Yet, as Esther pointed out, our capacity to communicate hasn’t caught up with the complexities of modern relationships. To make matters worse, kids aren’t learning these skills in school. Instead, they’re spending more and more time in front of screens, learning to communicate through social media and technology but not face-to-face.

The Impact of Social Media and AI on Communication

This shift to digital communication is creating a significant problem, Esther warned. Kids and young adults are increasingly proficient at communicating through technology but not in real life. And as AI and social media continue to evolve, we’re seeing an erosion of fundamental interpersonal skills.

We have a real problem on our hands—one that requires our attention and action. Esther’s message was clear: as therapists, educators, and parents, we need to re-emphasize the importance of face-to-face communication, of real, messy human connection, and of teaching the next generation how to navigate the complex terrain of relationships.

Walking out of that show, I felt energized and inspired—not just by the content but by Esther’s ability to create a new kind of experience. One where therapy isn’t just a conversation in a quiet office but a dynamic, lively event that brings people together and invites them to lean in.

Esther Perel is truly redefining what it means to be a therapist in today’s world, and I couldn’t be more excited to witness—and be a part of—this new era of therapy.